Today Was a Bad Day & That’s Okay…

It just takes one rude person to push you into the dark.. one oblivious unbeknown person! Since being diagnosed with depression it is the one thing I am so wary about… reading behind the smile.. seeing the pain or confusion in eyes.. I personally find when I am dipping it can be as simple as a smile or a ‘good morning’ that lifts you right back out of your slump. Everyone should be aware!

Trying not being so self absorbed and caught up in your own drama (as us humans tend to be guilty of) and just stopping… taking in your surroundings… observing the people around you… breathing fresh air and being gentle to both yourself and those around you is all it might take to change someones day.

Sitting on the patio of a cafe in the small town of Merlo, San Luis, Argentina… eating a fresh salad, drinking healthy mineral water, with the sun shining on my face and yet still feeling negative?  It’s hard not to be selfish when you’re feeling down.. difficult to remember that there are so many people worse off than you and yet at that moment, I felt right down there with them… feeling rubbish about life but more so about myself… and what reason did I have? I am travelling around South America, ‘living the dream’ as they say and yet right at that moment I may as well have been at home in bed with my head under the covers…
Luckily I know it passes and until it does I just keep smiling and pretending because as the saying goes “fake it til’ you make it”!

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Someone once shared a poem (Please Hear What I’m Not Saying) with me once which I think resonated with everything or almost everything I felt and went through at my lowest. I would recommend everyone to read it.. if for nothing else but just to gain some insight into the different thoughts ones mind can go through when having depression.

I understand I am in a country where spanish is the spoken language but to have patience with a foreigner is not too much to ask.. in my opinion anyway! Pushing me into that dark place or actually into limbo as I did not quite there hit bottom but was on the verge… it was a simple thing of asking for the WiFi password and for a waiter to be rude, unfriendly, impatient with my broken spanish and basically making me feel like I was a nuisance to be around. F#@% that!! Having time alone or where you can switch off is crucial.. whether it be going for a coffee, a run, or to meditate it doesn’t  matter! It is these vices that help us through it and when  a rude waiter ruins my little imagesvice of having lunch in the sun, I am sad, depressed, homesick and just feeling in general very vulnerable! By concentrating on how rude this certain waiter was, I was losing myself. I wasn’t feeling centred or strong enough to pull myself together and thus allowing all these negative thoughts to envelope me.

A site called soundofheart.org has exercises which help.. and I took my phone out, put my ear phones in and focused on the good things around me. Low and behold a toddler with his mother walked past me, smiled a big toothy grin and that was all I needed! Things were okay and it was fine to be in a bad mood but it lifted and I survived it. These sh%# times do pass whether it be in your home or in a country thousands of miles away… Unfortunately there is no escaping them but to know they are coming and to know they WILL pass is what the most important thing is 😊

First little ‘mood’ down of my travels and although there will surely be more to come, I feel so much stronger now than before! After all, who doesn’t love a good cry from time to time! #DontCryForMeArgentina #IJustDid

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